A Bob Dylan Concert

I got to know Bob Dylan in my college years in the early 1990s, not too late for a Chinese. I heard some of his songs in the excellent Nanjing Music Radio, but mostly I read his lyrics in a book I had about Rock & Roll and they were like anthem to me at that time. I knew I found my spiritual home in his songs as well as many others' from the book. I never felt alone since then even though I barely listened to them since then.

Fifteen years had gone by and I lived in such a way and looked in such a way that you would never have guessed I had a heart of rock. Trotting in my silver high heels in the most sleek district of Shanghai, where glimmering towers of office buildings enslave thousands of decent-looking, well-educated citizens of this metropolitan, I always had this feeling that I'm an under-cover in the crowd and I often amuse myself with the imagination of me coming out of the closet, or the revolving door.

So when Bob Dylan dropped by Shanghai to give one concert on this foreign soil, I felt it my obligation to make the pilgrimage.

 

So I arrived at the Shanghai Stadium, and found with great comfort a Starbuck which I never knew existed to cater to my physical hunter and thirst just by the entrance. It's almost sold out by the time the concert opens.

 

We sit in the plastic seat at the far-back where the cheapest tickets belong, and found with dismay how small the figures appear on the stage and how impossible to actually see any face, let alone facial expressions. He's wearing a cap anyway.

 

As I was in the pit of fever for Weibo (the Chinese Twitter), I started to report the concert on it and here're my fires:

 

"Waiting for Bob Dylan!"

 

"Shanghai is still lukewarm towards Rock, they can't even fill a stadium of ten thousand"

 

"By eye count, one fourth are foreigners and there seem to be nobody from the 1990s"

 

"My blood still remembers the sound of electric guitar"

 

"Bob Dylan is a small white cap tonight, every other thing is surreal"

 

"Bob Dylan refuses to sing his old classics, a bad idea flash through, is he trying to force us to listen to his new songs (not so new anymore)"

 

" There are but ten glow stick in the stadium, do we have too high a CPI, or too old an audience"

 

"Bob Dylan actually sings pretty clear, much better than Jay Chow"

 

"Can Bob Dylan or anyone stay relevant for 40 years, except for Confucius, or God himself?"

 

"Bob Dylan really is strong for his age. Now this is a new idea: when he go to heaven and meet up the old guys such as Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendricks, Janis Joplin, would they laugh at him: look at you, how come you become so old?"

 

"Good night, Bob"

 

We came out and came back into the muddled air of Shanghai's night, I felt still unreal from the idea that I was just so close, and so far-away from Bob Dylan and everything he represented in my life. But I decided once and again that there's nothing more important as ART and there's nobody as precious as ARTIST and that I should finally throw myself into my destined journey as an artist as soon as possible. 

 

Moving just a few yards in the dispersing crowd however, amidst smart street vendors selling Bob Dylan CDs, I was greeted with a street artist performing on his guitar, trying to make a tune of some sort. This served as an unwelcome but live alert to my just inflated mood: he once believed in his art just as Bob Dylan had believed?

A Girl’s Talk in Beijing

"I'm under the huge screen in the center of the square"

So I spotted her in an orange coat amidst the crowds in the darkening twilights of the San Li Tun Village.

"Hey! You look great! Look at you, all Japanese style"

"I dress up today coz I'm going to see you!" She lights up and looks down at herself, "But I'm actually working at a Japanese company now"

"Do you?" I grab her arm and glance around, "shall we look around first � we could grab something to eat at any time"

 

"Wow this place is so cool, it's like XinTianDi in the early years, I can't believe Beijing is so fashion, so how are you doing nowadays?"

"Did I send you the message that I'm divorced?"

"You, divorced! No, what happened?" It flashes through my mind that she was pretty happily married and her husband is a super nice guy, although not handsome and not successful. But my attention is diverted by the window display of a boutique � "Hey, there's Guba! You have Guba here too! Let's go in and have a look".

 

Inside Guba, the Spring collection is blooming with colors and patterns and I am dazzled. "Look here, they got an DVF piece, ah, I hope they cut the DVF label and cut the price in half", I dropped the piece of green geometric strip on white. Although it's sort of funny to spend time in a fashion boutique that we have too in Shanghai, but perhaps they got different pieces, I quickly laid my hands on a light green nymph-style DVF skirt and a rosy silk Fendi top, unfortunately, the skirt is too small and the top too large.

 

"So why indeed did you get a divorce?" Emerging out of Guba, we continued.

"Well, you know, me and my husband, we never felt that kind of passion…… we were just lukewarm from the beginning, it's always he who is really caring and I never felt the burning desire to devote myself to anyone……And I wonder is there such a thing, or this is life, so I decide to get a divorce and be alone and quiet for a while"

To be true, me and Xia, we were never that close and never shared that kind of intimate topics, but that's why I sort of like Xia, for she's got no nonsense and she could cut straight to the point, or perhaps it's Beijing girls who speak more audaciously, or perhaps it's the TIME, women of our time could face and talk about our relationships and troubles in a flat "this is the fact and this is how I'm dealing with it" sort of way.

So I grab her arm again, "I see, I understand, I am supportive".

"You do? Ah my friends are divided, half said go back immediately and half said just do it so I finally decide it for myself".

"Well, I think you are an independent modern woman and you have every right and power to make such decisions for yourself". But down to my heart, I'm afraid she will be disappointed at the end of the route, nothing's more disappointing than the morning after of passion. And this TIME, every one is so hunger and anxious and crazy for money and success, it's no TIME for  passion for people have only brain and appetites, no hearts.

But I kept that to myself. Who knows, Xia's always a special person, perhaps she has that in her fate.

"So, what did your husband say?"

"We are still friends and he come to see me often � ah, I bought my own apartment!"

"You do? Great! What's it like?"

"It's a small apartment close to downtown, when I open my window, I can see the biggest morning market in the district"

"Wow, sounds nice, remembers me of the European life"

"Well, it's different, but perhaps similar. I saw it the third day I was shopping for an apartment and I signed the contract the next day and I just packed my things and moved in � couldn't be better if I modeled it myself"

"Splendid"

 

Now we are walking down a flight of wide stairways lighted elegantly with bamboos lying at the end, more fashion boutiques, and more exclusive. I am completed amazed.

We linger from shop to shop, surveying shelf after shelf of designer fashion, caressing the fine fibers of woolen skirts and marveling at the sculpture-like shoes � actually it's only me, Xia is very much at control.

Now she started with this intern she just hired.

"She's got a really fine education, graduate student at Capital Medical University"

"These new graduates - do they still want to stay in Beijing? Are they daunted with the life in the Mega cities?"

"Yes they still want to stay in Beijing"

"What is that that they want at here after all? … Well, I can't seem to remember why I myself had to go to Shanghai myself � but it was a different time, there was nowhere but Shanghai Beijing and Guangzhou"

"Well, I don't know if Beijing is really what they want, but I guess it's just difficult for them to pass it by"

"So this intern you got?"

"She's got the look of one who has always worked hard and got everything from hard-work � and yet the other day she talked to me and said perhaps she should try some other means too, besides hard-work"

"Meaning?"

"She's showing interest to the boy in my team"

"How's he like?"

"He's from Beijing. And Beijing boys are always very sought-after"

"Why are they sought-after?"

"Coz they've got the house or apartment from the family, and if you marry a Beijing boy, your child will have a Beijing resident status"

"Is the resident status still important?"

"Well, for people from outside, they want to become a Beijingnese eventually and a Bejing resident status is just the verification"

"I had thought that the gap of development and the mental inferiority of people in the lower cities are now narrowed much"

"Perhaps for people in the 2^nd tier cities, but this girl, she's from Hengshui, in Hebei province"

"Never heard of"

"Exactly"

"It's too bad people don't know what they really want in life, they want apartment, car, marriage, Beijing resident status, but they don't know what do they want it for � they just want it because everybody else wants it and everybody else seems to get it better � how can you actually get what you want in life when you don't know what's it that you want?"

 

Finally we are seated down for dinner. It's a cute Italian Pizzeria. A young Chinese girl is shouting at a bearded Italian man, the man is embarrassed, I think he's going to take flight but he manages to stay and more or less calmed that girl down.

 

"You know in Beijing, I think of totally different kind of questions"

"Is it just you? Or people around you are the same?"

"I think people in Beijing think different questions than people do in Shanghai. When I was in Shanghai, I think of what to dress tomorrow, what to do over the weekend. In Beijing I think about questions such as what are we living for….."

"Why do you think is that?"

"I think it's because Beijing in too big"

"So?"

"So you constantly have to defer the gratification � like in Shanghai, you think I want to eat at that restaurant today and I do so right way, but in Beijing, you think I want to eat at that restaurant, and you drive out and there's so much traffic that when you arrive there, it's perhaps two hours later � and sometimes you have to give up"

"Ah-ha. Or perhaps it's age. You start thinking about these questions after you're thirty, or thirty-five. You know I have been thinking too and I've got the answer"

"What's it?"

"I'll become an artist, that's what I want to do eventually. You know I have been thinking about quitting my job for a while"

"Maybe it's a phase. Maybe you could take some time out"

"Right, that's what I think I'll do"

 

Xia looks at my goat-cheese Penne, "Can I try some of this?"

"Sure, of course, go on, sorry I should have invited you earlier"

"You know since I got the divorce two months ago, I've become very busy, a lot of social engagements suddenly � let's see, I met a friend yesterday for dinner, and today with you, and the day before I had some other thing I can't remember"

"That's good � that's because you're available again"

"Yes, before, I was only going to work and going home. But this friend I met yesterday makes me a little uncomfortable, I don't want to become like her one day"

"?"

"She's forty or forty one. She still keeps her body great. She looks really good even in the girly clothes, and she's talking to me about taking Ballet classes and learning to play piano and it seems that her life is full, I can still feel that she's really lonely � she's like a dancer dancing in a frenzy in the middle of a square, but you know that nobody's watching"

"Well, I have cases to counter that � it's not about being married or not. I have this friend who's lived a quite traditional life, got a good career, married at suitable age, had child at a suitable age, but she told me before that she didn't know where her heart lies � it's not with her husband, not with her daughter � and then she bought a car, and she's got this sense of control and belonging and then she's got a dog and she's got a much better sense of belonging and she's got an affair and now she's finally settled and coming back home. So you see, it's really not about being alone � it's about whether you have a purpose in life or not"

"I see, but still, when I look at my friend, I'm a little frightened and I just want to run away. I really don't want to end up like her"

"Well, that's no problem at all. You have your husband as your back-up"

"But that's really unfair to him"

"There's no such things as fairness. Someone said that in a relationship, there's always a gardener and there's always a garden"

 

It's ten thirty when we got out to the street.

"You know what - I will become an artist too � a performance artist", she suddenly announces when we arrives at the curb way and try to waive down a taxi.

"I'll create life. When you don't know that you want, you'll be dragged along by life. I'll not be dragged on by life. I'll create it"

"Marvelous"

 

But the traffic condition in Beijing is not marvelous. We couldn't get a taxi. We got on a motor-taxi and ask him to take us to the Metro station. When we're arrived we realize it's so close. But we gave him the fare as agreed as a contribution to construction of an harmonious society. Xia gave me instructions on transfer before taking off at her stop. I emerged to the street-lamp washed Chang'an Street, found nobody but a group of wondering teenagers in the empty grand artery of Beijing. I lost my way temporarily, re-oriented myself after calling the hotel and finally walked my way to the hotel, ending a little adventure in the unfamiliar night of Beijing.